CCIE Pursuit Blog

September 15, 2008

OT: Business Buzzwords

Filed under: OT: Humor — cciepursuit @ 6:32 pm
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I absolutely hate business jargon.  I’m talking about stuff like “We need to socialize our mission to leverage synergies across the enterprise and quantize parter results from which we can workshop outside-the-box solutions.”  Whenever I hear shit like that I do two things: 1) stop listening, and 2) mentally flag this person as a clueless jackass.  I learned early on not to ask “what the hell is a synergy?” because you’ll lose the next fifteen minutes of your life listening to another business jargon filled fluff statement or you’ll get a suggestion to read some craptacular business tome.  Either way, you will never get a straight answer – most likely because the jackass braying this garbage doesn’t really know what it means either.

Here’s a conversation I recently had with my manager:

“Why are we doing this?”
“We are doing this to reduce the unefficatism of the processization…”
“That’s not a word.”
“What’s not a word?”
“‘Unefficatism.’  ‘Unefficatism’ is not a word.”
“Yes it is.”
“Show me the definition of ‘unefficatism’.”
“I don’t have a dictionary.”
“You have a desktop, a laptop, and a phone that all have an Internet connection.  Can’t you leverage that toolbox to socialize the definition to me?”
“It IS a word!”
“Google says that it isn’t and is asking if you mean ‘unificationism’.  Do you mean ‘unificationism’?  If so, I am not comfortable discussing religion with you.”
“Irregardless of whether you think…”
“That’s not a word either.”

That’s not to say that those of us on the techical side of the fence don’t use a lot of jargon – not to mention abreviations and acronyms.  I like to think that we try to do this to convey precise meaning and not to try to ‘impress’ others with our vocabulary.  When a biologist says something like “Evolution is any change in the frequency of alleles within a gene pool from one generation to the next” it’s not because they want to impress you with their vocabulary, it’s because those words have a very specific meaning.  If I’m talking to a networking collegue I might drop something like “EIGRP isn’t installing the route as a Feasable Successor” but I would convert that to “the router is not using both paths” when talking to someone who is not expected to know networking. 

Anyhoo…for more business jargon horror stories check out this link.

Resume leveraging your personal bandwidth to increment your mental database of vendor specific solutions.  🙂

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3 Comments »

  1. Sound like you work for DOn kiNg!!! How benficent and magnamous!!! Lmao I hear that shit all the time haha. It is like Wtf are you saying. You know what you do is get all deep when they ask you to explain things. Tell them about k-1 values or something lol.

    Tony

    Comment by Tony — September 16, 2008 @ 8:10 am | Reply

  2. Reminds me of the “Business” parts of the CCDA curriculum — I often found myself reading in the first few “business” related chapters and thinking “What the hell does that even mean?” haha

    Comment by Joe A — September 16, 2008 @ 4:49 pm | Reply

  3. @Tony – You can’t even imagine how clueless he is. The worst part is that he will make up answers to questions that he can’t answer. Just another motiviation for getting my digits. I’ll leverage my certifation to explore synergistic opportunities. 🙂

    @Joe A – Say it ain’t so, Joe. CCDA is on my list of post-CCIE pursuits. If I see business jargon, then I’m running from it. 🙂

    Comment by cciepursuit — September 17, 2008 @ 8:36 am | Reply


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